Last week marked my official half way point in this journey. Which was kind of strange to think about. On one hand, I feel like these past five months have gone by crazy fast, and all been kind of a blur, a good blur, but the months have melded together. And on the other hand, to think that I still have five months to go is crazy, do not get me wrong being here is incredible and great, but that does not mean it has not been hard. I have grown a lot in these past five months and I feel like I am finally in a place where I can except that not everything in life is going to go as planned and sometimes tough times are for the best.
But, what was really great is that I got to see my family over Christmas, and those three weeks were very very nice. Probably the quickest three weeks that I have ever been through but, still lovely. It was strange having my parents back at first, you definitely get used to not having them around. I learned that I can function and be fine without them but, that does not mean it wasn't great having them around. I really missed just going with to the grocery store with my mom, making silly puns with my dad, and having family card nights. Or just simple things like a hug from my mom or just sitting around in the living room talking with everyone. Christmas was definitely a great time, and it was nice to celebrate it here in Sweden for sure.
It was weird not being in Alaska for Christmas. All the traditions weren't the same. Going to church on Christmas eve, singing the candlelight Joy to the World, coming back home and having traditional Swedish Christmas with us and twenty-two of our closest friends. Playing Tomten and pretending to get everyones name's wrong, and ending the night with the family opening presents. There is this feeling in the air about Christmas time back at home, putting up the Christmas tree, opening advent socks, and just this over all vibe about the time that was missing this year. It might have had to do with the just awful weather we had, rainy all the time and no snow, totally not what I call Christmasy weather.
New Year was a little different. I got very sick on New Year's Eve, staying pretty sick until just the end of this week. That made everything hard. Not being able to do a lot with my family, just sitting at home feeling bad is not exactly how I wanted to spend the last week with them. Honestly, when my parents left this time around it was ten times as hard as when they left back in August. Because, I got a taste of what is was like to have them round again, and I really liked it. I liked being here with them, it was comforting. So the week after they left was super hard. And that is really hard for me to admit, especially on the Internet. You know, writing this is way different than saying it someone and getting immediate response. On the Internet, I write something and wait to see what people are thinking. And, I am not really one to admit when I am having a hard time, or even really ask for help. Which is honestly why I probably have not been writing these blogs. I feel like all I had to say were struggles, and I really hate that. I hate it because I was having the struggles and because I felt like I didn't have to talk about them. I feel like I will always be reluctant to ask for help, and this is no way is a cry for one, it is just a way for me to describe how I am feeling and that maybe it will help, which it is.
I am doing better now, not being sick has really made a difference in how sad I was. It was just tough because you always want your mom when you're sick, to help you and comfort you, and mine had to leave right in the thick of everything. Which sucked for sure, but now I am doing better and really looking forward to the next 5 months.
We finally booked my flight home. (I know, crazy!!) Its weird to think that this year finally has an end date to it now. For the past five months its really only been a soft date of yes, I know I am leaving once school is done, but now that I have an actual flight it seems to make a huge difference in my brain. (Why that is, I have no idea). Up till now I've been counting up the days, I made it to 100 days, I made it 150. Now, I am counting down. Yes, I am still counting until it will be 200, 250, 300, days and so forth but, now it makes sense to also countdown. 82 days until I go to Paris, 155 days until I leave sweden, the list goes on. Its that weird middle time now. Where I've been through so many days and months already and I still have many days and months lefts that the time is all kind of just swimming around me, and I almost feel as if I am drowning in it all. Ten months is a long time to think about, and I realize that now. Before I came here I never really understood the implications of ten months away from home. One thing that this exchange has done for me is made me understand that I am just sixteen. I do not know everything, and that I still have a lot to learn, which I now believe is a very vital lesson to learn and a lesson I am glad that I did learn.
New Year was a little different. I got very sick on New Year's Eve, staying pretty sick until just the end of this week. That made everything hard. Not being able to do a lot with my family, just sitting at home feeling bad is not exactly how I wanted to spend the last week with them. Honestly, when my parents left this time around it was ten times as hard as when they left back in August. Because, I got a taste of what is was like to have them round again, and I really liked it. I liked being here with them, it was comforting. So the week after they left was super hard. And that is really hard for me to admit, especially on the Internet. You know, writing this is way different than saying it someone and getting immediate response. On the Internet, I write something and wait to see what people are thinking. And, I am not really one to admit when I am having a hard time, or even really ask for help. Which is honestly why I probably have not been writing these blogs. I feel like all I had to say were struggles, and I really hate that. I hate it because I was having the struggles and because I felt like I didn't have to talk about them. I feel like I will always be reluctant to ask for help, and this is no way is a cry for one, it is just a way for me to describe how I am feeling and that maybe it will help, which it is.
I am doing better now, not being sick has really made a difference in how sad I was. It was just tough because you always want your mom when you're sick, to help you and comfort you, and mine had to leave right in the thick of everything. Which sucked for sure, but now I am doing better and really looking forward to the next 5 months.
We finally booked my flight home. (I know, crazy!!) Its weird to think that this year finally has an end date to it now. For the past five months its really only been a soft date of yes, I know I am leaving once school is done, but now that I have an actual flight it seems to make a huge difference in my brain. (Why that is, I have no idea). Up till now I've been counting up the days, I made it to 100 days, I made it 150. Now, I am counting down. Yes, I am still counting until it will be 200, 250, 300, days and so forth but, now it makes sense to also countdown. 82 days until I go to Paris, 155 days until I leave sweden, the list goes on. Its that weird middle time now. Where I've been through so many days and months already and I still have many days and months lefts that the time is all kind of just swimming around me, and I almost feel as if I am drowning in it all. Ten months is a long time to think about, and I realize that now. Before I came here I never really understood the implications of ten months away from home. One thing that this exchange has done for me is made me understand that I am just sixteen. I do not know everything, and that I still have a lot to learn, which I now believe is a very vital lesson to learn and a lesson I am glad that I did learn.
So, that's what the last month has been like in the crazy life of me. Had some wonderful times, some hard ones, and I learned from both of them. I am glad I finally was able to write it out and get it out of my brain, that has really helped. Hope everyone is doing well, and I'll talk to you guys soon!
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