Anticipation

I want to explain to everyone how I will being doing this blog this year. But, in all truth I am explaining this as much to you guys as I am myself. So, I believe that I will try my hardest to put up blogs on Wednesdays and Saturdays. But, that might not happen, I might have no ideas on one of those days or have a ton on another, you know how it goes. I hope that this will work out, I am trying to make a goal for myself. Doing this blog will be a challenge for me, but I really want this time to be documented, so I will try my hardest to keep it up.

So, I just got home from a month of being out of town. Its really just hitting me that I have 17 more days in the states. That. Is. Crazy. I can't believe it. Or, maybe I don't want to believe it. I almost want time to stop. To be stuck in these 17 days for just a little while longer. I know, that once I get over there I will feel fine, that I am just getting nervous for silly reasons. But, those silly reasons are making me anticipate. You can never know how something will go until you are there. I guess, its one of the times when you can't wait to get there but, afraid that once you're there you will wish you were in the other place. If that even makes any sense.

17 days...I wonder what I will do. I wonder who I will see, how I am going to get all my packing done.

I have to admit that I am going to miss the little things. My bed, the water pressure of my shower, the way my house smells like no other house. My friends at school, how even though we don't have seating assignments everyone never fails to sit in the exact same place everyday. My swim team, procrastinating to get into the water, missing high school season. The snow, no matter how much I hate it when its the middle of winter, I always miss the snow when its gone. My room, how it never fails to be a tornado or organized chaos. Alaska, I will miss it in general. The way the roads seem to never be even, the mountains, the glorious sunsets.

Anticipation is key. Sadness is a must. Making the most of what time I have left is what matters the most.

This Is The Start...

So, its a month till my exchange year starts. I have no idea how to describe the emotions going around in my head. On one hand I am so excited to leave and start this new adventure in my life. On the other hand I feel as if I might throw up and pee myself. I can't wait, yet I want time to stop. To be in two places at once, to be at home and in my new home at the same time. I still have a month, yet I feel as if the 12th of August is barreling towards me like a high speed car.

I have so much to get done and so little time to do it. I am afraid that I won't be able to see everyone I want to see before I leave and not get everything done. I'm afraid that I'll leave my favorite sweater at home or that I still don't know enough swedish. That I'll be the awkward one out, that I won't fit in at all. That the accent I have and the clothes that I wear won't be the same. But, despite all these fears, this is the one thing I want to do. This is been in my head ever since I was little. My life is a collection of experiences and I so want this one to be apart of it. I want to be able to say I did it. Its the doing that will be the challenge. And, I am ready for it. I so want this challenge, it makes the reward worth so much more. I want to be able to come out of the other side of this experience not regretting anything, or fretting upon the things I didn't do.

But, I also fear being forgotten and being out of touch. I mean, with the internet nowadays its so simple to stay in touch at the tip of your finger tips (this blog being a prime example), but that is nothing compared to face to face contact. Being able to be in the same room with your friends, be at school with the people that you have gotten to know so well is so fantastic. And being absent from that for a year freaks me out. Everyone will change, myself included, but there is a difference between changing in two different parts of the world than changing side by side.

I feel as if this may seem like a plea to stay, or a me regretting my decisions, but that is not true. Everyone has fears, if your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough, right? But, there is nothing more that I would rather do than go on this exchange.

I guess I am also a scared for my education. I am afraid of being behind. I mean, I am getting all my classes over there, but it will be a load learning in swedish, keeping up with the classes I was going to be taking at service, an online class, and doing two sports. But, being busy is fun, I just hope it doesn't wear me down too much.

So, this will be the spot to follow my woes, my worries, and my strides during this year and most likely afterwards. I mean, who blogs anymore anyways so I hope this will be fun for who ever decides to read it.